In recent years, “spiritual relationships” have become a growing focus in the world of self-development and spirituality. Practices like yoga, meditation, and plant ceremonies have gained popularity, and tantra—once an esoteric, weird practice—has followed the same path. Many people, myself included, are discovering that the aim in spiritual practices for deeper meaning isn’t just about inner peace, but also about how we connect with others, particularly in our closest relationships. The energy and intimacy that tantra offers can be a powerful tool in this journey—but it can also be a double-edged sword.
After spending seven years in a tantric community, I’ve seen firsthand how this practice, when misunderstood or mishandled, can do more harm than good, for individuals and people in long-term relationships. Although there are many tantric practices and even philosophies, most of them known in the West concern sexual and energy practices. An while “Western tantra’s” focus on sexual energy and polarity play can invigorate a partnership, it can also destabilize it, triggering deep emotional wounds that partners aren’t prepared for. I’ve watched many people leave the tantric space—often disillusioned, confused, and emotionally drained. The common thread seems to be a lack of integrity, unchecked sexual greed, and sometimes, outright abuse. It is important to state that the practices used in the West nowadays, often misrepresent the rich and deeply transformative traditions that have developped through lineages, some of which required initiations for carefully selected people who were considered ready for these teachings.
For me, tantra has been transformative—personally and relationally—but it has also come with significant challenges. One of the biggest issues I’ve noticed is the lack of proper guidance for people in committed relationships. Many tantra teachers, despite their deep spiritual knowledge, often lack experience in long-term relationships themselves. They teach about releasing sexual energy and embodying polarities, but fail to offer the support needed to navigate the emotional and psychological turbulence that these practices can stir up. This lack of trauma-informed guidance can leave people feeling lost or even retraumatized.
The energy we work with in tantra is powerful. Polarity play can bring fresh vitality to a relationship, but if it’s unleashed without preparation, awareness, or support, it can quickly cause chaos. I’ve seen couples torn apart by unprocessed traumas resurfacing, triggered by tantra practices. Sexual energy, when not handled responsibly, can be like a wild animal—seductive but dangerous. Without the proper tools, the unleashed force can destroy relationships instead of making them thrive.
When people seek support outside their communities, they often find that traditional therapists sometimes aren’t equipped to handle the unique dynamics of tantra practitioners—especially those practicing consensual non-monogamy or exploring unconventional relational structures. This leaves a gap, where many people can feel misunderstood or left hanging to figure it out themselves.
But here’s the thing: it is possible to move through the chaos. It’s possible to use tantra as a tool for both individual and relational growth. I know this because I’ve lived it. Over the years, my partner and I have learned to navigate the challenges tantra brought into our relationship. We didn’t have a map or a teacher showing us the way. We figured it out together. We educated ourselves, communicated openly, and, most importantly, we started to trust our own relational wisdom.
It wasn’t always easy, but we built something deeply connected, intimate, and free—something that honors both our spiritual growth and our interdependence as partners. It’s this kind of “relational alchemy” that I believe is possible for many others. With the right support, couples can find a way to weave tantra into their relationships in a healthy, sustainable way. It’s not about blindly following a teacher or ideal, but about listening to each other, holding space for the emotional work, and trusting in the wisdom that already exists in the relationship.
This has been the most valuable lesson: tantra is a powerful tool, but it requires responsibility, patience, and a willingness to do the often challenging emotional work. I’m dedicated to helping others navigate this path, to offer the guidance and support that was missing for so many of us in the tantric community. Because I truly believe that with the right tools, relationships can evolve spiritually and emotionally, deepening both the individual and the connection between partners.